It has been a while.

Not only have I not written anything here, but I haven't read many blogs lately either.

It's not that I don't like to stay up on things, or that I am avoiding my friends.  It's not that I don't have things to write about.  It's not even a time crunch.  Sure, there have been plenty of things that have filled my days and kept me busy.  But I can't even use that as an excuse.  I don't really know how to explain it.  I just haven't written.

Let me bring you up to speed...

Darrin and I have been working towards becoming foster parents.  This started last year, we completed our initial classes and training, and found an agency to work with.  Well, as of April 6th, we were foster parents welcoming our first placement at 11:30pm.  They were a set of adorable young boys; siblings.  There were definitely some challenges, but we did our bet to work through them.  Sadly, after two months, we had to make the decision to disrupt.  I never thought that it would be quite as difficult as it was to say good-bye to these boys.  That was just this weekend. 

So, now we are a home of three again.  It's just Darrin, Kris and myself again.  For how long?  Who knows?  We haven't received any calls yet, but every day is a new day.  For now, we wait to be needed again.

We are still wanting to have another child of our own, but those endeavors have been put on hold for the time being.  I have had some things come up that require medication that is not safe for pregnancy, so I had no choice but to go back on birth control.  I wasn't exactly excited about it, but, it is what it is, right?  Sometimes life throws curves.  You just have to learn how to adjust your swing. :o)  And that is what I am working on these days.  Adjusting.

That's about it...in a nut shell.  It's not a beautiful, eloquently written summary, but I just wanted to let you know that I hadn't fallen off the face of the Earth.  I am still very much here, and very much alive. 

I hope to add more later.  And hopefully with pictures.

A daily challenge...

I found this as a status update from Andy Andrews of Facebook:

Do more than is required of you. Aim higher than the others. Laugh a bit more than the joke deserved. Be kind and patient when you don't want to be. Try harder than you did yesterday. Become a noticer and be grateful for the things that you have overlooked for too long.

Wow! Talk about a challenge. We can all use the reminder...and I am so glad that I saw this today.

Random questions...

Oh dear...I have been tagged. Well, it seems innocent enough and could be a lot of fun, so here goes:

There are five rules:
1. Post these rules.
2. Post a photo of yourself and 11 random things.
3. Answer the questions set for you in the original post.
4. Create 11 new questions.
5. Tag 5 friends and go to their blog/twitter and tell them that you've tagged them.



Photo of myself:

This was at this year's Women of Faith in KC. We went to dinner across the street at Power&Light. One of our lovely ladies suggested this place, and we were seated right next to the stripper pole. Appropriate for the day, don't ya think? Hahaha!!















11 Random things about me:



1. I didn't watch Titanic until about 5 years AFTER the movie was released.



2. I love photography. Although I am just a mere hobby photographer, I absolutely love it!!!



3. I am extremely competitive. This makes it very hard to be a "sit on the sidelines" kind of mom, but I am trying to keep it under control.



4. One of my guilty pleasure TV shows is Will & Grace. I still love that show!!!



5. My husband and I are in the licensing process for foster care/adoption.



6. I sang in my school choir through my junior year.


7. My first car (that I bought on my own) was a 1985 Toyota Camry. It was boxy and brown and all around ugly. But I loved that car.



8. While I wouldn't consider myself a girlie-girl in most areas of life, I have an obsession with purses and shoes. If only I had the money to feed that obsession...



9. I really dislike my cell phone, but am too cheap to purchase another one. I always suffer through my contract until I can get a cheap one. (Which is probably why I usually dislike my phones so much. Haha!!!)

10. I hate cleaning my house, but like to vacuum.

11. I never spend more that $10 on sunglasses. I always loose them, drop them, or break them.


Eleven questions from Marcey Combs:

1. Why do you blog? I started blogging a while back just to release some of the wanderings of my mind, and it has been a good release for me. I take a time off quite often, but always find myself blogging again when I start over-thinking.



2. What is your go to meal when in a time crunch? Pasta. Usually either spaghetti or chicken and rotini.



3. What is your favorite color and why? Hmmm...I think I would have to say yellow. I don't have a lot of it in my wardrobe, but I have always liked yellow. It's just a happy color. It's makes me smile.

4. What is the last thing you watched on TV? Good Morning America. (I watch parts of it just about every week day.)

5. If you could change one thing in the world, what would it be? Wow...this one is tough. There are so many things that I would like to change. War...hunger...fear...hatred...ignorance... The perfect Sunday School answer would have been to have God change all hearts and everyone believe in Him. But that isn't going to happen, because God wouldn't do that. That choice has been given to us. So, I think if I could only make one change, I would make people LOVE more. We don't all have to agree on everything, but if there was more love, there would be less hatred...less hunger...less war...less fear...

6. Who sent the last text message you received? Jill.

7. What is under your bed? Umm...I think that is where we keep the table leaf...and Darrin has a set of dumbbells under there.

8. What is your favorite time of day? NOT mornings. Haha!!! I tend to be more of a late afternoon, early evening kind of gal.

9. If you are going to be home all day with no company, do you stay in your pjs or get dressed/ready for the day? PJs!!! It happens so rarely, I think I would totally take advantage of that. :o)

10. What did you dream about last night? Nothing that I remembered.

11: What is the strangest thing you saw recently? My son took a shower and went to bed WITHOUT complaining. :o)




Questions from me:

1. What is your favorite season and why?
2. What is your favorite movie of all time?
3. Do you still have your tonsils?
4. What was your first car?
5. How did we meet?
6. What is the #1 guilty pleasure song you have on your iPod, iPhone, MP3 etc?
7. Would your dream vacation be to the beach or the mountains?
8. If money wasn't a factor, what would your dream job/career be?
9. What is your favorite snack?
10. If you were going to paint your living room, what color would you choose and why?
11. What is the one item in your home (excluding people or pets) that you would save first if there was a fire?

Whew! Finished. Well, almost. Now...who to tag??? How about Andrea, Amanda, Sarah, Scott, and Matt.

A little closer...

Well...we have done it. The last of the paperwork has been sent in. I faxed in the last paperwork we needed for our foster care licensing application. Now, we wait.

It seems that we are getting pretty good at that part. Waiting. That is where we have been for a VERY long time. Trying to conceive, trying to sell our house...lots and lots of waiting. But now, I actually feel like there is an end to the waiting in sight. Oh, what a wonderful feeling!

Now that the paperwork is in, our application will be sent to KDHE, and, according to the worker we met, it could be just a matter of weeks before we have out temporary license. That means we can take placements!!! I can't wait!!!

I know that this is going to be an interesting journey to say the least. There will be good things and bad. We will have laughter and tears. But we will be growing our family. I know that not every child placed with us will stay with us, but it is our goal to connect with children. Even if only for a short time, we will strive to provide love, caring and acceptance, and a piece of our hearts will be given to these children.

I'm not going to lie. I am just as much scared as I am excited. There are moments of, "What are we thinking?" and "There is no way we can do this!" It's hard to think that we are fully prepared to care for the children who may be placed in our homes. But, then I see Kristopher. I see his smile, or I hear his laughter and am reminded that every child deserves this! Each one should have the chance to laugh and smile, and just be a kid. Our job isn't to fix anyone or anything. Our job as resource parents is to love.

I know that there is more to it all, and I am in no way downplaying the struggles that we may face. There will be difficulties, but through it all, we are here to love.

Please keep us in your prayers as we move forward in this process. We are so happy to be moving forward, but know that your support can make all the difference.

The woes of a buyers market...

It has happened again.

Darrin and I have been trying to sell our house for some time now, and we haven't had any luck. We've had plenty of lookers, but no offers as of yet. Still, we have tried to stay up on the market and at least have an idea of where we would like to live once we sell. We actually found a house that we both really like...but someone has beaten us to it...again.

It's really getting frustrating. Our house is still sitting here. No offers. We have made the top 3 a few times, but, inevitably, they choose another house. We have lowered the price. We have offered a home warranty. We have offered to pay some of the closing costs. Still nothing.

I have come to DESPISE the whole process of selling a home.

I know that our house isn't perfect. In fact, to be completely honest, I know it needs work. But, it is livable. We have replaced kitchen cabinets, put in new carpet, torn out old nasty carpet and replaced it with wood laminate floors, and painted. We've had person after person come to look. some leave feedback, others don't. Some feedback is helpful. Some is not.

I just wish I knew what to do to make our house sell. I mean, it's not like we are asking for a ton of money. In fact, with the market as it is, we are loosing money. We just want to be able to move on. We've put in almost 9 years at this little house, and want to upgrade to make room for more children. We are nearing the point of having our foster care license, and want to have PLENTY of room. :o)

Please pray with us. We rally want to find that perfect buyer so that we can move forward. We know that God has all of the details worked out, but sometimes it's so hard to sit and wait. Pray for us as we try to do this...patiently.

Movement...

Well...it is finally happening. We are moving forward in the journey of foster care/adoption.

This past fall/winter, Darrin and I participated in and completed our PS-MAPP classes. Then, just this past month, we completed our First Aid training and CPR certification. And now...we have the initial walk through scheduled...for THIS WEEK!

I am so excited!!!!!

No, this is not the plan that I had in my mind when we first contemplated having a family. I thought that we would get married and have kids of our own. Babies...lots of babies! Never did I imagine how difficult it would be to get pregnant. Thankfully, we have been blessed with a child of out own, and oh how wonderful he is. Still, we want more. Our 7 year journey has brought us to the realization that we can still grow our family, even if I can't get pregnant.

So here we are now. Diving in to our licensing paperwork, completing the training needed, and finally moving forward.

It's a beautiful thing. A little scary. But, beautiful!

Please keep us in your prayers as we proceed. We are hoping to be able to adopt through foster care. Until then, we just want to show love to the kids that are placed with us, and show them that they are worthy.

Please don't skip Thanksgiving!

This time of year always drives me crazy.

This is the time of year when I am planning for Thanksgiving dinner. I am enjoying fall weather and the wonderful colors. I am daily reminding myself to count my blessings, and have a thankful heart.

Others...not so much. Instead, they skip right over the thankful part and dive right into Christmas. Really??? Christmas? Already?

Now, don't get me wrong. Christmas is probably my favorite time of year. I love the snow. I love the lights. I love wrapping presents. I love decorating my home for the season. I love watching my son's face as he opens his presents on Christmas morning. I love the music. I love the REASON for our celebration. There are so many things about Christmas that I love!!!!

Here is what annoys me. Why can't we stop and be THANKFUL? Celebrate Thanksgiving with our friends and families, truly focusing on our blessings.

There is no need to start Christmas music the day after Halloween.

You can argue all you want, saying that it's because we all love Christmas. But radio stations and stores begin playing the music and setting up displays not because people love Christmas. They are doing it simply to make money, turning the most wonderful holiday into a commercialized chaos.

Not in my house!!!

Not one Christmas decoration will be hung.
Not one Christmas song will be played.
Not until we have fully celebrated Thanksgiving.

Journey update

Two weeks down. Eight to go.

PS-MAPP classes are going well so far, but I have to admit, I was not prepared for the paperwork.

This week, we had to turn in our family profile. This consisted of several packets, filled with questions. Some easy to answer. Some not so easy. Some very repetitive. Still, we made our way through it, and even included a short letter and picture from Kristopher.

This week's homework, however, I am not looking forward to. This is the first time that we have to answer the questions about infertility and how it has shaped our decision to foster/adopt.

Cue tears now.

I seriously about started crying right there in class when we were talking about the assignment. I think it was the first time that I realized that Darrin and I may be the only couple in our group who are dealing with infertility. The others are a little older than us with kids of their own. They have decided to add to their family, but decided that they are "too old to have another baby." Well...I'm not too old.

As silly as it may sound, I have been avoiding our notebook all week. I just don't want to look at those questions. I don't want to relive all of the pain. I don't want to cry again.

Still, I know that I have to push through and finish the paperwork. It is all part of learning, and searching our hearts to see if this is REALLY the route we are meant to take.

So, if you will, please pray for Darrin and I. This week's homework is the most difficult to date, but I have a feeling there is harder still to come.

Starting on our journey...

Well...we finally made a decision.

Last night was the first night of a 10 week course that is the beginning of the journey to becoming a foster/adoptive family.

After trying to conceive a second child for nearly 7 years now, we made the decision to take steps into the foster care/adoption world. The first thing we have to do is participate in a 10 week training course called PS-MAPP. This will be one of the many things used to help up make the final decision of whether or not to become foster/adoptive parents, helping us to develop the skills we will need as we take these steps of faith.

I am very excited about this new endeavor, but I have to admit, I am also scared, worried, and even a little sad.

I am so excited to think that in a matter of months, we will be able to help other children but providing a loving and safe home. The stories that some children have could make just about anyone cry. To think that they need to be removed from their home just breaks my heart, but I am so glad that there are other willing to step up and help children be children.

I would be lying, though if I said that this whole process isn't a little scary. I mean, think about it. I don't know everything I will be getting in to. There is always that unknown...have the kids been abused? Do they have behaviors that need addressed? Will Kristopher take to the foster care process? What will he be feeling with new foster siblings coming and going as the circumstance dictates? There are so many possible hurdles that we will face with each individual case, so there is no way to fully prepare. That is scary to me.

The sadness is what hit me this week as we prepared for our first class. I was simply talking with another parent from my son's school, and mentioned that we would be starting this process. She expressed her well-wishes and excitement for us, when suddenly, out of nowhere, I was hit with tears. Out of the blue, I was hit with the question, "Have we just given up?"

We have been trying for 7 years to grow our family. Throughout that time, we have been clinging on to the hope that it could still happen. Even after miscarriage, I tried to stay focused on moving forward, and leaning hard into the arms of friends, family and God. But, now that we have started this new branch of our life journey, part of me feels as if we are just walking away from everything we have worked for. I know that we haven't given up. There is always the possibility of conceiving and growing our family naturally, and I know that we are still working towards that goal. That's what made it so difficult. It was the irrational, emotion-filled response. But it is still there...in the back of my mind.

So here we go...off into the next leg of the journey. Headed out into the unknown. Anxious. Excited. Scared. But ready to see where this takes us.

Fall - What's not to love???

Cooler temperatures are setting in. You can just feel it. FALL!!!!!

I can't help but get excited. I have always loved fall. Cooler weather, beautiful colors, big comfy sweatshirts, pumpkin everything...if only it lasted longer.

Fall tends to be too short in my opinion, but I am going to enjoy it while it's here.

Taking inventory...

I really mean to keep this blog up-to-date, but it never seems to work out that way. I find a way to get busy or distracted, and totally forget about sitting down to update everyone.

Well, I have the time now, so hear I am.

It's been quite a whirlwind week around here. Family in the hospital, cars dying, work crisis, school is in full swing, football has started...so much happening! Needless to say, it's exhausting!

Still, I have been trying to find the brighter side to everything that is happening. Sometimes, it's a hard task. But there are still several blessings that I need to express my thanks for.

I have my family with me.
My entire immediate family lives within 5 minutes of my house. My parents, my brother and his family, my in-laws. All of them are in the same town. Now I know what you are thinking...too much family!!! Well, I have to admit, I sometimes feel that way too, but I have come to cherish the fact that I can just make a phone call, and I have family around me to help out, join me for dinner, or just to take a walk. It's a true blessing.

I have a wonderful husband.
Sure there are things that I can (an do) complain about, but when it comes down to it, he's amazing. Darrin is so patient with me, and he is genuine. He is a good provider for our family, and a great example for our son. God chose a wonderful man for me, and I am so very thankful.

I have a miracle child.
Creating life is a miracle in and of itself. I am so blessed to have a child of my own. A child who loves me, is smart, healthy, funny, energetic, loving, and creative. My life wouldn't be the same with out Kristopher.

I have amazing friends.
You know who you are. I don't know what I would do without my amazing friends. I know that I can count on them to pray for me, laugh with me, and cry with me. My friends aren't afraid to be honest with me, and call me out when I am being ridiculous. My friends are some of the best people you can find, and I am blessed to have them in my life.

I am healthy.
...mostly. Sure, I need to loose weight, and I have issues with infertility. Still, I am healthy enough to enjoy life. I can run with my kid, I can still play sports, and I don't' spend all that much time at the doctor's office. There are times that I can get stuck on the infertility issue, but in the grand scheme of things, I have it pretty good.

It's kind of nice to take inventory every now and then, and really focus on the good in your life.

Thank you, God, for loving me, and blessing me. I know that I don't always show how grateful I am, but I pray that you will continue to work in me. Make me into what YOU want me to be. Help me to continue to focus outward rather than inward, sharing all of the wonderful blessings that you have given to me. Thank you for all that you have done. Thank you for all that you are doing. Thank you for all that you are going to do. Amen.

Back from being MIA...take 2

I tried to send this through once before...but blogger hates me!

Okay...so not really. I was just being a little dramatic.

I have been MIA for a while now, and thought that you might want a little update on what is going on in my life. So...here goes:

We have decided that it is FINALLY time to sell our house. We have had it on the market for a little over a month now. So far, no offers, but we are hoping that one will be coming soon. We aren't planning on leaving the area, but we have simply out grown our little home. The hardest part will be leaving our neighbors. We have been so blessed with good neighbors. I really wish we could just take them with us. Darrin and I have been looking at houses too, trying to educate ourselves on what is available in this market. We found a house that we both REALLY liked, but it has already sold. :o( So sad. But we are really relying on God with all of this. He will put it all together for us. We will find the right buyer, and we will find the right house. We just have to be patient.

There hasn't been much movement on the baby front either. Darrin and I re-evaluated, and realized that we just could not continue with our treatments if we were going to be financially responsible people. So, we went back to our primary care physician and have decided to go back to using Clomid. We're hoping for the best. This is my second month back on meds, and my body is definitely feeling the difference. Hopefully that is a good sign. Just another area that we are relying on God for, and asking Him to bless us. It's been a very difficult journey over the past 6 years of trying to conceive. Especially watching countless others get pregnant with ease, even some who should never be parents. It's rough. Quite honestly...infertility sucks. But, we are trying to stay positive, and keep moving forward.

I went to enroll Kristopher for school this morning. Can you believe he is a 3rd grader? 3rd GRADER!!! Where has the time gone? It seems that it was only a few short months ago that Kris was just a little baby. Now look at him. He's just growing up so quickly. In fact, the last time we bought shoes for him, we had to buy a 6.5. That means the next trip to the shoe store, we will find ourselves shopping in the men's section. MEN'S!!! Oy vey! I can't keep up with this kid! Ha-ha!

I think that about covers it. You have now been updated on all things Kimberly. :o) Who knows what the next few weeks or months will bring? But I am excited to find out!

Just a random little rant...

Okay...so I know that I haven't been great about keeping fresh new things posted on here. Sorry about that. But I have one for today.

While watching GMA this morning, I caught the tail end of a story talking about a guy who is blaming Jerry Seinfield and his show, "The Marriage Ref," for his divorce.

Really? I mean, come on...REALLY?!?!?!

Well, I just had to look it up and get the full story. So here's the quick version.

He and his wife were on the first show, and the argument was that he wouldn't wear his wedding ring when he went out with the guys. I remember seeing that episode, and, to be honest, I thought they were both ridiculous. Anyway...

According to this guy, the show actually took the "argument" and blew it up into something way bigger than it was. Apparently, he only took his ring off when he played basketball with the guys. Not when he was going out for a guys night out. Whatever.

He also claims that the producers of the show kept making comments about how good his wife looked, and that she was so pretty, that they thought she had beautiful lips, etc. Somehow, THIS is what caused his divorce. After the show was taped, the wife decided that she wanted to pose for Playboy, and it was said that they almost didn't air the show because of some provocative photos that she posted online.

Yeah...Seinfield made her do all of that.

Really???

Please, people! Take responsibility!!!

We all know that reality tv rarely shows true REALITY, so it's really no shock that the producers wanted to rev up the story to make it sound a little juicier. But to blame it for the ruin of your marriage is a bit of a stretch.

The spotlight of tv and the quest for celebrity will add stress. Financial problems will add stress. Life will add stress. But this show wasn't the CAUSE. The show simply added stress that made the cracks that were already present more visable.

I am by no means an expert on marriage. After all, I have only been married for 10 years, and the two of us are still learning as we go. But the one thing that I have figured out is that marriage takes work. It's not always going to feel like you're on your honeymoon.

We're human.
We're different.
We're flawed.

But when you take the time to put effort into your marriage, you can keep things moving in the right direction. How can you tell that everything is going to work out? How can you know that you will be together forever? I don't know.

All I know is that I ask God for guidance daily.

I pray for His continued blessing on our marriage.
I pray that He will help us learn to build each other up instead of tear each other down.
I pray that He will show us how to love each other, even when we aren't feeling like it.
I pray for wisdom. In raising our son. In choosing our battles. In making choices for our family.
I pray that he will mold me into the wife He wants me to be.
I pray for my husband, and that he is becoming the man God wants him to be.
I pray for other marriages. That they will be strengthened.

I am only human, and I am not now, nor do I think I ever will be, and expert on marriage. But I know that my marriage is important to me, and I will do everything within my power to make it last.

I hope that you feel the same way about your relationships.

For Sale!!!

We have been thinking of putting our house up for sale for a while, but just hadn't really gotten around to it. Well...all that has changed. Our house is officially FOR SALE!

It has only been on the market for about a week. We've only had one showing. Still, I am pretty excited.

Finally, we are making progress. We are finally able to take steps towards our goal of upgrading homes.

Now, we just have to find a buyer.

That's the not so fun part.

The one showing that we have had so far gave a little feedback. First, they said the layout was not what they were looking for. Then, they said that there was a "strong odor of dog."

Okay...so here's the deal. We used to have two dogs. Both were inside pets, and both were very clean. However, our cocker spaniel, Spencer, was old. He did, in his last few weeks, develop an odor that was pretty offensive. Sadly, Spencer is no longer with us. We have deep cleaned the house, vacuumed daily, cleaned the carpets (RugDoctor), used air fresheners, etc. WE don't smell him anymore, but apparently other people do.

Now, we just have to figure out where others are smelling dog, and how to get rid of it.

Any ideas out there??? I think our little house will make a wonderful home for someone...we just have to get the house smelling wonderful.

Prayer request...

Just when you think things are turning around...

We were really hopeful this month. I had decided that I wasn't going to watch the calendar, and just try to take things a day at a time. Once I realized how long it had been since I last checked the calendar, I was curious. So, I took a home test. Negative. So I waited some more. Then I went to the doctor. Negative.

It seems that my body has decided to tease me. It allowed me to think that our miracle had finally happened, only to let me down later.

I just don't get it.

I'm not going to lie. I have been fighting the urge to have my own little pity party. Since my appointment on Monday, I have just kind of been...off.

So here I am. Sitting at a computer and sharing this with all of you who care to read it. I am asking for your prayers. Prayers for strength, wisdom, and peace.

A Thankful Heart

So often I sit at the computer and try to think of something to add to my blog. Most of the time, I just sit there. I stare at the screen and realize...I've got nothin. I never want my blog to be meaningless dribble, but all too often I just don't think that my words make much of a difference or impact.

Well, today, I hope that is different.

I sat down today and decided to do a quick review of all of my past posts. Not just the things that I wrote, but the comments that were added later. The thought was, doing this will help inspire me to write something new. And it did.

I feel that I need to take the time to recognize...I am so very blessed!

I am not wealthy, at least not by American standards, but I have what I need.
I am not in the greatest shape, but I am relatively healthy.
I am not the most popular person, but I have REAL friends.
I am not the smartest, but I am still learning.

All too often, we complain about all of the things that we do not have. Things that we want. Things that would make life so much better. And yet, if we would just take the time to REALLY look at our lives, we are blessed far beyond what we deserve.

The one place that I can see this the clearest is with my friends.

In some of my darkest times, I have had wonderful people come to my rescue. They may not have provided money or food or tangible things like that, but they were my support. I have been able to lean on my friends and they have supported me without even blinking. My friends have been there for me, and never asked for anything in return.

I am so blessed!!!

I only wish I could let all of you know just how much I love my friends, and how much I appreciate them. But there are no words to adequately explain how I feel about each and every one of you.

Thank you seems so small.
So inadequate.
But it's all I have.

Thank you for being there for me.
...for loving me.
...for holding me accountable.
...you for laughing with me.
...for crying with me.
...for celebrating with me.
...for praying with me.
...for putting up with me and all of my faults.
...for showing me Christ.

I am truly blessed!

It just dawned on me that I haven't just given up Facebook for Lent. Apparently, I have avoided my blog as well.

(It will never cease to amaze me. When you take one thing out of your life, there is always something else there to take it's place. Anyway...I decided that I should take a little time and update this blog.)

Spring is here...at least according to the calendar. Boy has it been and interesting start to spring. First it was wonderful above average temperatures, then cold windy days, mixed in with a random hail storm just for fun. All I know is that I am ready for some steady warm (not hot) weather with sunshine. And apparently, I need it.

I have been seeing a rhumatologist for the past few years, but recently had to change doctors. It seems that my doc decided it was time to retire. How dare she! Ha ha! Anyway, I went in to meet the new doc who wanted to run all new tests just to make sure where I stand. Well, I have a vitamin D deficiency. I guess the average adult should have a level around 32...mine is at 19. So, I need some sun!!!!! And, for the time being, a prescription. Yay. (Can you sense my excitement?)

Otherwise, things have been about the same as my usual. We are still waiting on a miracle, and praying that it will happen. We have decided that the fertility treatments are just too expensive for us at this time, so we have stopped. No more expensive pills and procedures for us. Instead we are focusing on using our finances responsibly, and planning for our future. We hope still hold out hope that it will include another child, but if not, so be it. We still have responsibilities and we have been blessed with a wonderful son. We are doing our very best to remind ourselves of that daily.

That's not to say that I don't still have the HUGE desire for another baby. It's still there, and I have my moments of heart-wrenching and tears. I still have to fight the urge to scream when I find out that yet another friend is expecting. I still have pity-parties that I have to deal with. But I am making a conscious effort to be more positive, and focus on the blessings that I have in my life.

I was reading a blog of a friend, and saw something that really made me think. One of her friends posted this:

"Most of the stories about birth in the scriptures revolve around women's inability to have children. That the trial of infertility is one that God has given to some of his strongest and most select daughters. Women like Sarah, Rebekah, Rachel, the mother of Samson, Hannah, and Elisabeth all struggled with extended periods of 'bareness', the ancient term for infertility."

I'm not exactly sure how I feel about that. I mean, it's encouraging to think that so many strong women of faith have been through this before me. But, it's also very daunting to think that I could be grouped with these women. Am I really that strong? Is my faith really as sound as theirs? I don't know. But I love to think that I am in the company of many strong women with unwavering faith who can be amazing examples of what God can do. I pray that I can live up to this legacy, and maybe, just maybe, be an encouragement to others.

Bye-bye Facebook...at least for a while.

Yesterday was Ash Wednesday. The start of our Easter season.

Darrin, Kristopher and I attended the Ash Wednesday service at Living Hope, and at the end, received ashes on the forehead. The service was really nice. A time of reflection, listening, and renewed dedication to God. I know that I, for one, really needed it.

As we set there, we were given small booklets that addressed different areas of our lives and asked to prayerfully review them, and ask God to show us where we need to let go. In our relationship with Him. In our relationships within our family and church family. In our relationships with those outside the church. We sat there in a darkened room sitting silently. The only noise was that of music designed to usher us in to atmosphere of reverence and prayer.

I have to admit, I was a little taken back at some of the areas we were asked to examine. I mean, I know that there is always room to grow, but I thought I had a pretty good handle on all of this "Christian stuff." I think I am a good person. I believe in God. I have been holding tight to all of the promises and lessons I have learned over the years. And, I want to please God. Still, there were a few areas that just kind of hit me, and I would like to share those with you. It's kind of my way of asking you all to help hold me accountable.

In my relationship with God:

• Am I satisfied with good feelings, but avoid seeking personal holiness?
• Do I spend regular time in one-on-one interaction with God through prayer and reading His word?
• Do I take advantage of opportunities for growth?

In my relationships with my family and my church family:

• Do I show love for other and seek to maintain true connections?
• Do I seen the Holy Spirit's guidance before I react to situations that I encounter?

In my relationships with those outside the church:

• Do I regularly pray for those that we are trying to reach?
• Am I sitting back, hoping someone else will do what I really should be doing?
• Do I tend to ignore social sins that enslave and hurt others, feeling that they don't directly affect me?

There are more areas in which I need to work, but these are just a few that stood out to me last night. I think that I have a good base. I know the basics of being a Christian, and I truly want to please God. But there is so much room for growth.

So, this year for Lent, I have decided that I am going to make a conscious effort to grow. I have decided that I am going to step away from the things that take too much of my attention, and adjust my priorities to move God into the position He deserves...1st.

As part of that dedication, I have decided to step away from Facebeook. I know it seems silly, but FB really has become a big part of my life. I love how it helps me to stay in contact with so many people, but I have let it become just another filler. If I have down time, I am on FB. If I want to play a game, I am on FB. But that will change. It is time for me to focus more on God and less on the computer screen. I know that it sounds like a simple challenge, but I'm not so sure. Even this morning, I almost logged in. It's just a habit. But I want to create a habit diving in to the Word.

I am excited to see what He has in store for me through this 40 day journey. Please pray for me. I want to grow. I want to learn. I want to please God.

Not a good week...

Well...the miracle that we had hoped for has eluded us once again.

I have to admit, this week has been one of pity parties for myself. Indulging in the "woe is me," mentality, crying spontaneously, and just feeling overall blah.

I just don't know what to think anymore. It has taken everything in me to stay positive and focused, avoiding the negative thoughts, and just move forward. This week, though, has been especially tough. We had done everything "right" and were hoping that it would all finally work out. Unfortunately, though, it didn't work out. Instead, we are left here crying and broken.

Why aren't things working? Why do I have this desire if it isn't meant to be? Why are there so many questions? Why are there so many tears?

God, I need you more now than ever before. I need you to show me the way. I need answers to my questions. I need direction. I need hope. Please, support me now, as I can't stand on my own. Dry these tears, and bless us, I pray.

Conferences...

It's that time again.

Spring parent/teacher conferences start today. So, here I am wondering what I will find out about my son this time.

Kristopher is a good kid, so I know I don't have to worry too much. However, I know my kid. I know that he loves to be the goofy kid. He loves to use sarcasm. He loves to make up stories. He doesn't like the school work. Generally, he would rather stay home and play (at his age, who wouldn't?).

Have you heard the latest thing Kris came up with? He told his teacher that he was allergic to peanut butter. PEANUT BUTTER! You see, his class was talking about Kansas history. As part of the lesson, they made simple toys that they may have had back in the late 1800's. As an added treat, his teacher decided to make a simple candy that they could have as a snack. It was made with peanut butter. So, Kris decided it would be interesting to say that he was allergic. His teacher, not wanting to expose a peanut allergy to peanut butter, decided she should confirm with me. He is not allergic to peanut butter. In fact, his favorite sandwich is PB&J. When I asked Kris why he said he was allergic to pb, he told me, "I don't know. I just didn't want any peanut butter."

You see...these are the kinds of things that I worry about with Kris. I have to admit, I was somewhat amused (you have to admit it was kind of funny) and still, obviously disappointed. Note: Don't worry. We had the whole talk about being dishonest. I even made him apologize to his teacher.

So, maybe you can understand why I feel this way about conferences. I don't really worry. It's more trying to anticipate so that I can explain.

And, I have a feeling it won't get any easier as he gets older. Ugh!
Hahahaha!!!