Mommy Wars

Okay, here's the deal. I woke up this morning and flipped on the tube as usual. I watch Good Morning America just about every day. This morning, Diane Sawyer had another segment on what they have titled "Mommy Wars." Have any of you seen these segments?

The whole premis of the segmets is the question of whether it is better to work or stay home once you have children. They have shown women arguing over which is better for the kids, but I just don't think that they are looking at it truthfully.

Is it better to stay home and raise your child, or should you return to work and support your child? This is a question that cannot be answered across the board. I think it is different for each case. I know that there are studies that will prove, statisticly, that children fare better when a parent is in the home with them. I agree with the study, but I also think we, as a society, aren't looking at the whole picture.

Let's break it down. Man meets woman. They fall in love. Couple gets married. Woman may work for a while. Then baby. Woman stays home and becomes a full time caregiver and house wife. It is a TV Land norm. In the 1950's it was not uncommon for the wife to stay home and everything worked out just fine. Life was fairly simple, and there was usually enough money to go around. But let's face it. It's just not like that anymore.

Today, we live in a world of big houses, new cars, rising gas prices, and electronics out the wazoo. Even some of the most successful people in business are struggling to make ends meet with their lifestyle choices. We are no longer in the era of living a simple life. The focus has shifted to aquiring posessions, being "successful", and not keeping up with the Jones', but surpassing them. If that is the norm now, there is no way we can remain the classic picture of a family. Both moms and dads have to work.

Now, don't think of this as passing judgement. I have been in both rolls. My husband and I both had jobs when we got married. I continued to work, enjoying the fact that two paychecks helped keep us financially comfortable. Then, I had my son. We knew that I would return to work, but we were thinking that it would be in a part time position. Then the floor fell out from under us. My husband's company laid off about half or more of their workers due to a merger/buy out when my son was just a few weeks old. Ugh! We had just bought a house and had a baby...there was only one choice. I would continue working...and in a full time position.

My husband did get another job, but I continued working for the first two years of our son's life. I was lucky, though. My parents live in the same town as us, and they were the caregiver while I was at work. It was nice knowing that I had someone that I could trust taking care of my son, but I still felt some guilt that I wasn't there all day, taking care of him. Then, when things were settling down, I was able to quit my job and begin staying home. I have been for the past year, and I love it. True, there are some days that I miss being at work, but I turely cherish the time I have with my son.

Does it make me better than others becuse I can stay home? NO WAY! I know how it is. There are some times that it is just not possible to be the stay-at-home parent, and there is nothing wrong with that. We have to do what is best for ourselves and our children. That usually requires sacrifice, but it is no one's place to judge. Make the decision that is right for your family, and forget the criticism. And for those criticizing, take a lesson from the "classic 1950's family." If you can't say anything nice, don't say it at all.