An emotional roller coaster. Traveling at insane speeds, so high you can see the whole world one moment, only to be wisked down the slope and sent into the row of loops. What a whirl wind ride! That is what I have been dealing with recently, and I know there are countless others who can relate. About a month and a half ago, my Grandfather was killed in a car crash, and since then, it seems that my roller coaster is stuck in the "loops" of life.
My husband, son, mother and I all went to visit him just five days before the crash. We were able to spend 3 days with him and his wife, my step-grandmother. It went well...we were all glad to have time to spend together even though there wasn't a lot to do. Five days later when I was told about the crash...I thought it was like some kind of sick joke.
He had been returning home from picking up his wife at the hospital. They needed to make a phone call, so he pulled over, turned on is flashers, and began to make the call. That is when it happened. A semi driver left the road and plowed in to the back of their car, killing Grandpa instantly and sending his wife back to the hospital by life flight helicopter. The driver of the semi...not a scratch.
We were present for the funeral, and it was all I could do to look at him laying there in the casket. I think I was still trying to convice myself that he would sit up and say, "Ha! Just kidding!" We stayed at his house, and I couldn't sleep. I kept thinking of him...almost seeing him. I was just waiting for him to come around the corner and give me a big hug, and kiss me with that scruffy beard of his. There was no breakfast waiting this time. No jokes about me needing to hurry up and have another baby. It was just quiet.
You would think it would get better after the funeral, but it hasn't yet. I still have a hard time listening to the Brad Paisly/Dolly Parton son, "When I Get Where I'm Going." I have yet to make it all the way through the song without crying. And...just when things are starting to look better, we have to be reminded of it all over again. The preliminary hearing against the driver of the semi is coming soon. We will have to sit there and look at this man...the man who took my Grandpa from me.
I know I will have to forgive him eventually, but I haven't been able to yet. I know God is going to have to help me on that one. I am still traveling through the loops of the roller coaster, just waiting for the next high peak, and yet dreading it at the same time. You see, I know what comes after the high peak, and I don't want to think about going there just yet.
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