God's Waiting Room

I have never claimed that I was patient. In fact, if you have ever asked, you know that I am the first to admit that I HATE waiting. I'm just not very good at it. Still...God is trying to teach me something, telling me to just..."wait."

For some time now, 3 years to be exact, my husband and I have been trying to have another child. There doesn't seem to be any clear cut answers to why we haven't conceived yet. We have been to the doctor, taken tests, started medications...all of the proper steps to correct any problems. Still...no baby.

As you can imagine, this has been quite difficult at times. At first, it wasn't so bad. I was blessed to see a friend of mine conceive after a few years of trying. I was so happy for her, even to the point of thinking, "Okay God. If it took me not having another child right now so that she could, then so be it. Thank you for the blessing." Another year passed, and still no baby. An even now...I am seeing so many others being blessed with children. I am honestly happy for them, but I have to admit, it hurts too. You see, it was significantly easier to conceive with my son. In fact, I took the pregnancy test on a whim, and was delighted to see the two blue lines. For the past 3 years, though, the thoughts keep entering my head, asking, "Why was is so easy the first time?" and "Why is it so difficult now?"

I have really been leaning on friends and family with this burden, and have been making a conscious effort to rely on God. I have been encouraged by the story of Hannah, knowing how long she waited, yet continued to trust God. She was blessed with a child. So, surely I will be too. Still, another year passed, and here I am now...no baby.

This Sunday, I hit a wall. We had a guest speaker at church, Dr. Larry Fine. I wasn't sure what to expect, really. This is the 4th or 5th speaker we have has, as our pastor is on sabbatical. I guess I wasn't really expecting much, but I was smacked with truth. Dr. Fine started out the service talking about how we sometimes end up in God's waiting room. Yeah, yeah... I have heard this before, right? Not quite like this.

Dr. Fine spoke of how too often, the Church teaches us to pray and ask for direction, and then things will be fine. In fact, he apologized for this, citing that it's just not always that simple. God puts us in times of waiting to teach us lessons, and to protect us. Specifically, he cited scripture in Exodus 13:17 which reads, " When Pharaoh finally let the people go, God did not lead them along the main road that runs through Philistine territory, even though that was the shortest route to the Promised Land." Through Dr. Fine's words, it became clear to me that I AM in a period of waiting. I have been sitting here in God's waiting room for the past 3 years, and God is trying to teach me something. The shortest route isn't always the best. Quick fixes often backfire, or cause more pain later. God will lead us out and around the things that would scare us, even if it means we have to take a longer path. I don't fully understand it right now, but I do intend to use this period to its fullest potential. I have come to the point where it is no linger about ME and MY desire. I have come to the point of just letting go, and saying, "God, take me where you need to take me. Show me what you need to show me. I am yours."

I know that this isn't going to make the journey any easier, in fact it could be just as difficult, or even more so. But I have to trust Him. I have to hold on to His promises. I am eager to get out of this waiting room, but I do see the importance of being here. I pray that my eyes, and my heart will be open enough to recognize what God has for me. I pray that I make the most of the opportunities given to me, and that I will continue to let God use my hurt.

Let's give it another try, shall we?

Well...I have tried this blogging thing before, and it never seems to stick. I have the best of intentions. Really, I do. I rather enjoy reading the blogs of my friends and family, but I just don't seem to keep writing on mine. So here we are again...a fresh start to the world of blogging. Pray for me. Maybe this will be the time that it really becomes part of my life. :o)

A lot of things have happened since I last wrote. Back then, I was just returning to work. Well...a year and a half later (give or take) and I am still there. I like the job, really, but there are times that I think to myself, "Why did you want to go back to work?" I think what I miss the most is the freedom that I had. I could go anywhere, anytime during the day until I went back to work. Now, I have to get everything finished before 1pm. Still not that bad, but i do miss having the whole day.

Let's see...otherwise, life is about the same. We are STILL trying to add to our family. So far, it just hasn't happened. I guess God's timing and my timing haven't quite matched up yet. I try to stay positive about it, because I truly believe that we will have more kids. I know in my heart, that we will have a larger family. I just haven't quite figured out what God is trying to teach me yet (besides faith and patience). It's a rough road, but I am willing to travel it. Especially if it means that I can learn more about myself and, most importantly, more about God.

My son starts kindergarten this fall. :o( Wow! How time flies. I used to laugh at people who made such a big deal of how quickly kids grow up. As a mom, though, I totally understand. It's hard to believe that five and a half years have passed by. I look at Kris and am amazed! He is such a blessing! Such a wonder! We thank God for him everyday, and wonder what we ever laughed about before we had Kris. He is a smart, loving kid. The things he says crack up up, and sometimes chock the begeebies out of us. I love just drinking him in! His energy. His smile. His innocence. how God made such an a amazing kid from us, is beyond my comprehension.

I think that about does it for now. You have been adequately updated on the happenings of my life. Thanks for being part of this crazy, mixed-up life. Hopefully, you'll see more updates on here soon!