Still waiting...

Another month has gone by. Once again, the answer is "no", or at least "not yet."

We have been trying for so long, and were really thinking that this was going to be the month. Everything seemed to be working out. The HSG went without a hitch. The scan showed a healthy follicle. Everything looked good. Until today.

I have to say...I just don't get it.

It's getting increasingly harder, too. Our desire to have another child is still there...strong as ever. But I have to admit, I'm getting tired.

Tired of waiting.
Tired of spending money.
Tired of worrying.
Tired of failure.

It seems that there are families having more children all around me. Even in my church. Babies everywhere.

I attended a shower not long ago for a friend at church. It was the most difficult thing I have done in a while. It was all a reminder of what I have been unable to do.

Please don't misunderstand. I know that I am blessed beyond what I deserve. I have a wonderful little boy, and I can't even imagine life without him. But I just don't' understand why we can't have another.

So...today, I am hurt. I'm tired, sad, confused.

God, I have to ask, "why?" I know that I may never know the answer, but I have to ask. Help me through this once again. Keep me from falling. I feel connected with Hannah and her deep desire to have a child. Please bless us once again.