Well...we finally made a decision.
Last night was the first night of a 10 week course that is the beginning of the journey to becoming a foster/adoptive family.
After trying to conceive a second child for nearly 7 years now, we made the decision to take steps into the foster care/adoption world. The first thing we have to do is participate in a 10 week training course called PS-MAPP. This will be one of the many things used to help up make the final decision of whether or not to become foster/adoptive parents, helping us to develop the skills we will need as we take these steps of faith.
I am very excited about this new endeavor, but I have to admit, I am also scared, worried, and even a little sad.
I am so excited to think that in a matter of months, we will be able to help other children but providing a loving and safe home. The stories that some children have could make just about anyone cry. To think that they need to be removed from their home just breaks my heart, but I am so glad that there are other willing to step up and help children be children.
I would be lying, though if I said that this whole process isn't a little scary. I mean, think about it. I don't know everything I will be getting in to. There is always that unknown...have the kids been abused? Do they have behaviors that need addressed? Will Kristopher take to the foster care process? What will he be feeling with new foster siblings coming and going as the circumstance dictates? There are so many possible hurdles that we will face with each individual case, so there is no way to fully prepare. That is scary to me.
The sadness is what hit me this week as we prepared for our first class. I was simply talking with another parent from my son's school, and mentioned that we would be starting this process. She expressed her well-wishes and excitement for us, when suddenly, out of nowhere, I was hit with tears. Out of the blue, I was hit with the question, "Have we just given up?"
We have been trying for 7 years to grow our family. Throughout that time, we have been clinging on to the hope that it could still happen. Even after miscarriage, I tried to stay focused on moving forward, and leaning hard into the arms of friends, family and God. But, now that we have started this new branch of our life journey, part of me feels as if we are just walking away from everything we have worked for. I know that we haven't given up. There is always the possibility of conceiving and growing our family naturally, and I know that we are still working towards that goal. That's what made it so difficult. It was the irrational, emotion-filled response. But it is still there...in the back of my mind.
So here we go...off into the next leg of the journey. Headed out into the unknown. Anxious. Excited. Scared. But ready to see where this takes us.
1 comment:
If you ever need some advice let me know. We have been foster parents technically over a year, but they kept screwing up our license (this was in Missouri) but have now had two placements. The first was a baby straight from the hospital and stayed for 6 days. But he was transferred to KS. Now we have had two kiddos for over 5 weeks, they are awesome, sometimes a bit overwhelming and the process can be hard. Just remember to use the support you get from the division and those around you. The kiddos will qualify for daycare and for WIC so make sure and use them, they are great resources for you, especially if you are going babies and the cost of formula. The formula will be covered and such, so then it is just diapers and whatever else you need. Hope you enjoy your class. We are doing the adoption one in November.
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