The Final Touches

Well...it's almost here. Christmas is just days away now, and if you are like me, you are finding that there is still much to be done.

I love the holiday season. Seriously...I LOVE IT! Despite the cold, this is my favorite time of year. The lights on houses, beautifully decorated Christmas trees, shopping for that perfect gift...it's all wonderful. It never fails, however, that even this close the Christmas, I find that I haven't finished all of my Christmas shopping, there are still cookies to bake, and we still haven't nailed down all of our family plans and are kind of flying by the seat of our pants. I don't know why I wait so long. Every year it's the same thing. I tell myself to start early, and I have every intention to do so. But, somehow, I find myself at this very place...dreading the mass of procrastinators that I will be joining in the stores.

So, my goal for the weekend is simple...put on all of the finishing touches. I have made my list, and checked it twice (a little trick I learned from Santa). It IS possible to reach my goal this weekend, but it will take great effort. I don't much like crowded shopping areas, but there is little choice now.

Wish me luck!
I'm goin' in!!!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

What has this world come to???

If you are anything like me, you avoid stepping foot in any major stores on Black Friday. I have several friends who are all about getting the bargains on that insane day, but not me. I can't do it. I just can't. Believe me, I have tried, but it just isn't a pretty picture.

First off, I am not, in any way, shape, or form, a morning person. Those who know me best, know that I tend to be a bit short and grumpy in the morning. I don't know why...it's just not in my DNA to be a chipper morning person. I don't drink coffee either, so that isn't going to help. I just don't do mornings.

Second, I hate...HATE...big crowds. I don't like the feeling of having no control of where I am going, and if you have ever been in a hugh crowd, you know what I am talking about. Once you are in the middle of a crowd, you are going which ever way the crowd wants to go. No questions asked. If you aren't one to move with the flow, you will be bruised and battered, if not trampled. Take the poor Wal-Mart worker for example. He was just an innocent bystander as the doors were forced open, and he was trampled, later dying from his injuries. Seriously!!! The crowd killed him. KILLED him!

What has the world come to? Are the bargains THAT good? So good that we push, shove, trample, and kill to get them? Wow! Mob mentality is flat out scarey! Which is why you will not find my in the middle of and Black Friday crowd any time soon. For those of you who love it, well, God Speed. You are braver...or crazier than I.

Thanksgiving

Remember that holiday. It's the one that comes after Halloween, but before Christmas. It seems that everyone has forgotten about Thanksgiving.

I know that retail will always push Christmas. I get it! however, when I walked in to the local Wal-Mart on November 1st (yes...the day after Halloween) they were already playing Christmas music. Whoa!!!!!

It seems that we are just going from one holiday of "gimme gimme" to the next one. Kids are sent out asking for candy, trying to get more than the next kid, and then we gear them up for getting more presents at Christmas. Well, in my house, that isn't going to be the case. I am doing my very best to stress the importance of Thanksgiving.

I want my son to realize just how good we have it. Are we wealthy? Well, no. At least not most of society's standards. Still, we are far better off than a lot of the people of this world...even this country. We still have a wonderful close family, good friends who are there for us, a roof over our heads, and food in the pantry. We don't have a big screen plasma tv, a super expensive car, or a mansion, but we have everything that we actually need. And for all of this, I am truely thankful.

Thank you, God, for all of the blessings you have given us! You have given us more than we deserve. "I will enter his gates with thanksgiving; go into his courts with praise. Give thanks to him and praise his name." Psalm 100:4

Christmas will come, and presents will be given. But for now, we are going to be thankful. Chrismas carols can wait a few more weeks.

"All Circuits are Busy"

Have you ever tried to call in to a radio station, trying desperately to win a contest? You have to time it just right. So, you dial all but the last number, then, at the PERFECT moment, dial the last digit. Only, instead of hearing the DJ on the other end of the line, you hear, "Beep! All circuits are busy. Please try your call again later." It's a crushing blow to the fragile hope of getting through and winning the prize.

Well...that's about how I feel right now. I seem to be praying and praying and praying, only to hear, "All circuits are busy." I know that God isn't just ignoring me, but I just haven't figured it all out yet. Am I praying for the wrong thing? Am I missing something? Did God already try to give me an answer, but I wasn't paying attention?

Please tell me that I am not the only one that feels this way. How do you know when to just 'let it go?' I don't want to give up and cut God short. I know that He has plans for me, I just wish I could see them a little more clearly.

Still waiting...

Well, another month going by, and still waiting. I never thought it would be so hard to have a second child. We really didn't have much difficulty conceiving our son five years ago, but apparently, God has another plan this time.

I have recently joined an online support group for people dealing with infertility. I haven't done much yet besides read what others have posted, but I can say that it is nice to see others dealing with this. Not that I want others to be suffering with me. It's just nice to know that I am not alone. There are so many women who are dealing with the same issues as I have been. The group has been a God send, reminding me that it is okay to be angry. It's normal to feel jealousy. The real test is what we do with those emotions.

If anyone actually reads this blog, please keep me in your prayers. This month has been particularly difficuly emotionally, and I can use all of the prayer I can get.

God's Waiting Room

I have never claimed that I was patient. In fact, if you have ever asked, you know that I am the first to admit that I HATE waiting. I'm just not very good at it. Still...God is trying to teach me something, telling me to just..."wait."

For some time now, 3 years to be exact, my husband and I have been trying to have another child. There doesn't seem to be any clear cut answers to why we haven't conceived yet. We have been to the doctor, taken tests, started medications...all of the proper steps to correct any problems. Still...no baby.

As you can imagine, this has been quite difficult at times. At first, it wasn't so bad. I was blessed to see a friend of mine conceive after a few years of trying. I was so happy for her, even to the point of thinking, "Okay God. If it took me not having another child right now so that she could, then so be it. Thank you for the blessing." Another year passed, and still no baby. An even now...I am seeing so many others being blessed with children. I am honestly happy for them, but I have to admit, it hurts too. You see, it was significantly easier to conceive with my son. In fact, I took the pregnancy test on a whim, and was delighted to see the two blue lines. For the past 3 years, though, the thoughts keep entering my head, asking, "Why was is so easy the first time?" and "Why is it so difficult now?"

I have really been leaning on friends and family with this burden, and have been making a conscious effort to rely on God. I have been encouraged by the story of Hannah, knowing how long she waited, yet continued to trust God. She was blessed with a child. So, surely I will be too. Still, another year passed, and here I am now...no baby.

This Sunday, I hit a wall. We had a guest speaker at church, Dr. Larry Fine. I wasn't sure what to expect, really. This is the 4th or 5th speaker we have has, as our pastor is on sabbatical. I guess I wasn't really expecting much, but I was smacked with truth. Dr. Fine started out the service talking about how we sometimes end up in God's waiting room. Yeah, yeah... I have heard this before, right? Not quite like this.

Dr. Fine spoke of how too often, the Church teaches us to pray and ask for direction, and then things will be fine. In fact, he apologized for this, citing that it's just not always that simple. God puts us in times of waiting to teach us lessons, and to protect us. Specifically, he cited scripture in Exodus 13:17 which reads, " When Pharaoh finally let the people go, God did not lead them along the main road that runs through Philistine territory, even though that was the shortest route to the Promised Land." Through Dr. Fine's words, it became clear to me that I AM in a period of waiting. I have been sitting here in God's waiting room for the past 3 years, and God is trying to teach me something. The shortest route isn't always the best. Quick fixes often backfire, or cause more pain later. God will lead us out and around the things that would scare us, even if it means we have to take a longer path. I don't fully understand it right now, but I do intend to use this period to its fullest potential. I have come to the point where it is no linger about ME and MY desire. I have come to the point of just letting go, and saying, "God, take me where you need to take me. Show me what you need to show me. I am yours."

I know that this isn't going to make the journey any easier, in fact it could be just as difficult, or even more so. But I have to trust Him. I have to hold on to His promises. I am eager to get out of this waiting room, but I do see the importance of being here. I pray that my eyes, and my heart will be open enough to recognize what God has for me. I pray that I make the most of the opportunities given to me, and that I will continue to let God use my hurt.

Let's give it another try, shall we?

Well...I have tried this blogging thing before, and it never seems to stick. I have the best of intentions. Really, I do. I rather enjoy reading the blogs of my friends and family, but I just don't seem to keep writing on mine. So here we are again...a fresh start to the world of blogging. Pray for me. Maybe this will be the time that it really becomes part of my life. :o)

A lot of things have happened since I last wrote. Back then, I was just returning to work. Well...a year and a half later (give or take) and I am still there. I like the job, really, but there are times that I think to myself, "Why did you want to go back to work?" I think what I miss the most is the freedom that I had. I could go anywhere, anytime during the day until I went back to work. Now, I have to get everything finished before 1pm. Still not that bad, but i do miss having the whole day.

Let's see...otherwise, life is about the same. We are STILL trying to add to our family. So far, it just hasn't happened. I guess God's timing and my timing haven't quite matched up yet. I try to stay positive about it, because I truly believe that we will have more kids. I know in my heart, that we will have a larger family. I just haven't quite figured out what God is trying to teach me yet (besides faith and patience). It's a rough road, but I am willing to travel it. Especially if it means that I can learn more about myself and, most importantly, more about God.

My son starts kindergarten this fall. :o( Wow! How time flies. I used to laugh at people who made such a big deal of how quickly kids grow up. As a mom, though, I totally understand. It's hard to believe that five and a half years have passed by. I look at Kris and am amazed! He is such a blessing! Such a wonder! We thank God for him everyday, and wonder what we ever laughed about before we had Kris. He is a smart, loving kid. The things he says crack up up, and sometimes chock the begeebies out of us. I love just drinking him in! His energy. His smile. His innocence. how God made such an a amazing kid from us, is beyond my comprehension.

I think that about does it for now. You have been adequately updated on the happenings of my life. Thanks for being part of this crazy, mixed-up life. Hopefully, you'll see more updates on here soon!