The Refiner's Fire

It's been another long month of waiting. And, actually, it isn't over yet.

It's hard to believe that it has been 4 years since we started trying to have another baby. I never, not in my wildest dreams, thought it would take this long. So, you can imagine my mixed bag of emotions. There's anger, sadness, anxiety, hope, fear...so many different emotions that are all rolled into this season of my life.

We have come to a point that we have to decide, "How long?" How long do we continue this treatment before we move on to the next? How long do we keep trying for a baby before we start the process of adoption? How long do we wait?

It's getting kind of tricky. I don't know that there is a clear cut, picture-perfect answer to any of our questions. I know people who have gone further in their treatments. I know others who have been through the process of adoption. I just wish the answers were clear.

I've even caught myself asking God to make it blatantly clear. I've been begging, "Just show me what to do. Make it so obvious that I can't miss it." I've asked questions like, "Why am I going through this?" "Why would God give me such a desire, only to make it so difficult?" "Why would God give us the joy of a pregnancy, only to allow it to end so early?"

These are all questions that I have been asking over and over again. And yet, I don't have any clear cut answers.

Recently, I have been reminded of an email that was shared with me this past summer. It talked of The Refiner's Fire:

Malachi 3:3 says: "He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver."

This verse puzzles some women in a Bible study, and they wondered what this statement meant about the character and nature of God.

One of the women offered to find out the process of refining silver and get back to the group at their next Bible study.

That week, the woman called a silversmith and made an appointment to watch him at work. She didn't mention anything about there reason for her interest beyond her curiosity about the process of refining silver.

As she watched the silversmith, he held a piece of silver over the fire and let it heat us. He explained that in refining silver, one needed to hold the silver in the middle of the fire where the flames were hottest as to burn away all the impurities.

The woman thought about god holding us in such a hot spot; then she though again about the verse that says: 'He sits as a refiner and purifier of silver.'

She asked the silversmith if it was true that he had to sit there in front of the fire the whole time.

The man answered that, ye, he not only had to sit there holding the silver, but he had to keep his eyes on the silver the entire time it was in the fire. If the silver was left a moment too long in the flames, it would be destroyed.

The woman was silent for a moment. Then she asked the silversmith, 'How do you know when the silver is fully refined?'

He smiled at her and answered, 'Oh, that's easy--when I see my image in it.'

If you today are feeling the heat of the fire, remember that God has hi eye on you and will keep watching you until He sees His image in you.

God is watching over you. And, whatever you are going through right now, you'll be a better person in the end.

There are days that I feel I have been left in the fire to burn. I feel like I was dumped into the flames, and am being consumed. But I know that God hasn't left me. I know that He is keeping His eyes on my, shaping me into the person He wants me to be.

It's not an easy process. It's hot, uncomfortable, and scary. But I am holding on the the fact that I will come out of the fire with a new shape, and a new shine. He has plans for me. And though I may not see them now, I trust Him.

I will still have bad days and good days, but God is working on me, in me, and through me.