Moving forward...

Well...no, I am not pregnant. I want to be. Desperately. But, at least I can feel that I am moving forward.

I have two important dates set for February. I am having an HSG done on the 3rd to be sure that there are no blockages or masses to worry about. Then, on the 6th, I go in for my first scan looking for ovulation. Up to this point, we have been relying on home kits, and praying that we have the perfect timing. It has worked before, but not this time. So, we move on to the next step.

However, moving on has made me think more about what we are doing. Darrin and I were lying in bed last night, talking. We have both been dealing with the monthly disappointment, and praying for God to bless our efforts. But then we re-visited a questions we had discussed early in our journey.

"Are we just taking it out of God's hands, and trying to fix it on our own by going back to the doctor time and time again?"

It's a questions that I think every Christian couple that is experiencing infertility has asked. And the bad thing is...I don't know that there is an answer. There are a couple of ways to think about it:

1. God has provided us the knowledge and the doctors to move forward with treatments, therefore, He is giving is the help we need.

2. Treatments aren't working because God wants us to rely on him instead of doctors.

Which is right? Well, I think both are.

Yes, God wants us to rely on Him. He wants us to trust and obey Him, and He provides for us. However, the knowledge we have, and the doctors we are provided with, also come from Him. I believe that God is giving us pathways to take, all the while, still asking that we trust and rely on Him. God is either going to bless our endeavor, or His isn't. No matter which path we take, the outcome is ultimately up to God.

I don't know that I am right about all of this, but I do know that I have given it to God. I don't know what His answer will be, or when I will get the answer, but I know that He will answer.

I would be interested to hear from any of you. What do you think about all of this? How far would you go? How far is it before we are relying on our own devices instead of on God?