A breaking heart...

It has happened again.

I don't know that I can fully explain why or how it happens, but my heart is breaking again. Except, this time it's not for me.

Despite my best attempts to appear tough and strong, I have always been a bit of a softy. You see, I just break a little every time I see someone hurting. And, it has happened again.

An acquaintance from church (hopefully a budding friendship...just because I think she is awesome) is hurting right now. She and her husband, much like Darrin and I, have been trying to conceive for some time now. Sure, it hasn't been all that long in the grand scheme of things, but I can promise you this; it's forever when you are the one trying. Anyway, they thought they were going to have some good news for Christmas. She got a positive pregnancy test. However, only a few short weeks into the pregnancy, and things just weren't right. Blood work has now confirmed it. Miscarriage.

That has to be one of the ugliest words I know. Medically speaking, it's "spontaneous abortion." The baby, for any number of reasons, reason we may never know, has stopped growing. It is no longer living. And yet, it's still there. At least for the time being. The hormones are still there, reeking havoc on a woman as they try to deal with the reality. We will never know this child.

Every time I hear of another woman going through miscarriage, my heart breaks again. It seems that the raw emotions find a way to climb to the surface again and attack any sort of normalcy I have restored. I remember the joy of finding out that we were expecting. I remember the anticipation. I remember the discussions about names, and clothes, and bedding...all of the conversations and plans. And then I remember the pain.

Not physical. But as if my heart had been ripped out of my chest, thrown to the floor, and trampled on.

I wouldn't wish miscarriage on anyone. Not my worst enemy, and certainly not a friend.

A this point, all I can do is go back to that place again. The place where I wasn't sure I would ever come back from. A place of despair. A place of disappointment. A place of anger. A place of constant tears. A place where I wasn't sure my faith would survive.

To be honest, I am not really sure how I came out of that place, except to say that the love and support of my friends and family, and the prayers of countless people made all of the difference.

I wish I could fix it all. I wish that I could take the pain away from my friend, and tell her that everything was going to be alright. I wish that I could give her all of the right answers, but there are none. We must all heal. At our own pace, and in our own ways.

God,

I ask that you wrap Your loving arms around her. Pull her close to You. Remind her that You have not left her or forsaken her, and that You are carrying her now. Give her the peace that she so desperately seeks, and the wisdom to take the next steps. This is one of the ugliest, messiest parts of life, filled with deep pain. Only You have the power to overcome this. Please guide and protect her, not letting Satan get an upper hand. Restore some of the joy of Christmas in her heart. This situation makes no sense to any of us, but we know and trust that You can and will make BEAUTIFUL things out of our pain. We love You.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OR7VOKQ0xJY

He did it!!!!!

This weekend was the Christmas musical at church. Every year, this is one of my favorite Sundays! I just love watching all of the kids up on stage. They are all different, and oh so entertaining.

First, there's the ham. You know, the one who is REALLY putting on a show for everyone. Then there's the shy one. They are up on stage, but only because they have been threatened. Next, you have the kid with no rhythm. I particularly love this kid. It never fails. When they are swaying to the music, this is the kid who is going in the opposite direction, and working had to keep the clapping on beat (to no avail). There's also plenty of the other kids who are just kind of...average. You know. The ones who are just kind of indifferent. They kind of like the songs, but really don't care about being on stage

Each of the kids help to make the production memorable, and I love each of them!

Kris has always been the shy one. He dreaded getting on stage, and we even had to make a deal with his cousins to help us out. If they would go, so would Kris. Well, then. You can imagine my surprise when I found out that Kris had actually tried out for a solo. A SOLO!!!!

I knew about this from fairly early on, and all I could do was pray that he would actually do it. I couldn't help it. I just knew that he would practice and practice, only to get up on stage...in front of everyone...and then freak out or freeze.

I was wrong!

Granted, it was just a small, two-line solo. But he did it! And he did a great job!!!

Many of you probably think that I am just being the typical mom here, bragging about my baby. But you have to understand. THIS IS A BIG DEAL!!!

Up until now, Kristopher wouldn't do anything like this. He was just too shy. Anytime we are in public, he has always just kind of stood back and observed. I usually have to push or pry in order to get much out of him.

But this was ALL him.

I am so happy to see him coming out of his shell! And, yes, proud of him for doing such a good job. He knew his cue. He stepped up the the microphone. And he sang his lines clearly and on key! Yeah!!!!!!

Good job, "Munch!" I'm so proud of you!!!!!

I just realized that it's been a while since my last post. So, now the trouble is...finding something profound enough to write about. Haha!

Okay, so it doesn't really have to be all that profound.

Wow! Where has the year gone? Seriously. It's just so hard to believe that 2010 is almost over, and 2011 is looming with all of the new possibilities that a new year brings. But we can focus on that a little later.

For now, let's focus on CHRISTMAS!!!

Christmas is coming. 22 days to be exact. WOW!!!

Lights on the house? CHECK

Tree up and decorated? CHECK

Presents bought? CHECK (...well some of them anyway)

Wrapped and under the tree? NOPE. (That will happen a little later.)

I love this time of year. It's just fun for me. I love shopping for others. On the hunt for that perfect gift, and then wrapping it and trying to keep it a secret until Christmas morning. It's just so exciting! Not to mention that I get to drag out my Bing Crosby, Nat King Cole, Louis Armstrong, Ella Fitzgerald, and others. Good ole classic Christmas!

No snow yet, but I am sure there will be soon.

For now, we just have to start getting used to the colder weather.

Are you ready for Christmas yet???