As hard as that is to share, I can't help but keep looking forward. Darrin and I are still wanting a baby, and we don't plan on giving up. In fact, I have already scheduled our appointment with the specialist so that we can discuss the next steps.
I'm am not, in any way, trying to live in denial. There is still a very deep wound on my heart, and I assure you all that I will never forget this past week. We lost our precious little baby. Too small for the world to meet, but none the less, a living being. We saw that tiny little heartbeat, and fell in love instantly. We don't know if it was a boy or a girl. We don't know which one of us the baby would look like. But I know that someday, we will see. We will hold our baby in heaven. Until that day, I have chosen to leave it all in God's hands.
We will be trying again for a baby...as soon as possible. I still have a hope that just won't be broken, and I believe that God will bless us with another child. Our hope has been placed in the hands of God.
A friend of mine sent an email today that encouraged me greatly. So, hear I am sharing it with all of you:
Hope in God Does Not Disappoint
I had waited for a decision that would directly affect my life in major ways. I began to look forward to the changes that would occur when the months of waiting were over. More than that, though, I looked to the Lord. His will would be perfect no matter what the outcome would be.
One Monday morning I received the anticipated phone call. The answer was "No." The opportunity I had dreamed about would not be offered.
I hung up the phone wondering if my spirit would fall after learning that these months of anticipation were answered with God's "No." Suddenly I was amazed to be filled with overwhelming joy. My daughter came into the room and while telling her about the phone call I was so overcome by joy that tears began to flow.
When an apology was offered a few days later, I could honestly say, "I'm not disappointed. I was hoping in God, not in you."
"Those who hope in me will not be disappointed" (Isaiah 49:23). Yet even that ability to hope, we must find in Him. Those who quietly rest in Christ, trust Him to supply not only that rest but the ability to rest. It would be foolish to think that we can experience rest through our own strength.
Jesus, please give me discernment to know when my hope is in something or someone other than You.
1 comment:
Kim, you are an inspiration to us all. You have really challenged me to look at the tough times in life differently! One of my favorite songs is an old song called "Trust His Heart" and a line in the song goes like this: "When you can't see His hand, trust His heart." Thanks for sharing your journey with us.
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