Where Do I Go?

In the last few years, I have become a fan of author Neta Jackson. I first discovered her series The Yada Yada Prayer Group by accident when traveling to Arkansas for a friends wedding. I found myself anxiously awaiting the next installment of the series, and then devouring the book as soon as I could find it. Much to my dismay, that series, as all good things, eventually came to an end.


Well...luckily, Neta has done it again! She started a new series. It's still set in Chicago, still uses many of the same characters, but introduces a new set of characters as well. I received the first release from this series, Where Do I Go?, at Christmas. It seemed that there was always something going on, and I knew that I wanted to be able to really read this novel, so I had left it sitting on the table since December. Waiting for the perfect time so that I could just read. No other distractions. Just sit and read. Well...do you know anyone who has that kind of time? Seriously? I mean, I have a husband, a six year old son, two dogs, and a life that just won't sit still. So, I decided last week I was just going to do it. It's time to read!


The novel started out simple enough. Good setting. Good characters. Good plot. It's really an enjoyable read. However, it's not a simple read. At least not for me. I didn't really fully comprehend the title of the book.


Where Do I Go? Well...duh...when you are in trouble and life isn't what you expected...you go to God. Right? Right. It seems simple. Especially for someone who has grown up in church. But the more I read, the more I realized...this isn't just a simple, fun read for me. It's a reminder. I need to go to Him. Now, more than ever.


If you have read any of my past blogs, you know that my life hasn't been anything that I was expecting. My husband and I had plans for a family. We have been blessed with a wonderful son who enriches our lives daily. And our hopes were that we could grow our family even more in the following years. We tried for 3 years, finally getting a diagnosis of PCOS, and finding a specialist who gave us more hope. Finally, a pregnancy! We were so excited, and were praising God for this tiny little miracle. Unfortunately, the pregnancy ended in miscarriage.


I'm still dealing with all of the muddled emotions, and know that I will be for quite some time. There was a life lost. Grieving. Tears. Sadness. Anger. Wondering, "Why?". I know that all of the emotions are normal, but I honestly don't know where I would be without my faith.


Sunday's message was just another reminder (and encouragement). Pastor was very clear in delivering the truth. We have to make a decision. Our perspective...our attitude...our faith...it all will determine where we end up when trials come. Therefore...my prayer has been transformed. I am trying to change the focus from, "God, why me?" to a prayer of, "God, use me." God is not the author of my troubles, but He will use it for good. I may never see the fruits this side of Heaven, but I am holding on to that truth.

Please continue praying for me and with me, that I will keep the right perspective and the right attitude.